Animal Testing: Religious Beliefs
by Akito Rose Keen
Summary: This time it's Hatori who isn't prepared. Is the stoic dragon of the zodiac a bit more devious than we imagined? Yes! He must've gotten something from hanging around with the two biggest troublemakers in the Sohma family!


**A/N: And here it is! I promised at the end of "Angry Gods" that I was going to write one to make up for the my recent absence! Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: If I owned Fruits Basket, Tohru would be with Hatori. Just sayin'. Oh yeah! And I don't own questions 3-10 of the quiz mentioned down below. Those were part of quizzes written by Tamas Szalay, and I found them at (dot)org.**

Hatori stared helplessly at the sheet of paper in front of him. This time it was _him _who hadn't studied. He had been busy helping the maids to care for Akito late into the night, and had been exhausted by the time he had _finally_ gotten to go to bed, collapsing into unconsciousness as soon as he sat down. He hadn't even had time to change out of his school uniform.

So now, he was put in the position that Ayame and Shigure seemed to be in all the time. And yet, on this particular day, they seemed to be hard at work filling out answers.

_I can't believe I've sunken so low…_ he thought, a plan formulating in his mind. If he was going to fail the test, then he could at least _attempt _to get out of it. Even though it would forever mar his perfect behavioral record, there was still something that could be done.

_I really need to stop spending so much time with those two_, the dragon thought. Their guile was beginning to rub off on him.

Approximately fifteen minutes later, he examined the quiz with a sense of mild, bored, satisfaction.

_The Universe- Pop Quiz_

_**What force is responsible for the orbit of all planets/other solar bodies in our solar system?**_

_Answer: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs._

_**What is the name of the closest solar system to our own?**_

_Answer: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that I do not fully understand how it is possible for we on earth to know exactly how far away a solar system is._

_**How old is our universe?**_

_Answer: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that the actual dating of our universe is pure speculation and there is absolutely no way to prove the exact age of our universe._

_**Quasars (quasi-stellar objects) are the brightest objects in the universe. Where does their energy come from?**_

_Answer: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that we have no way of know whether or not Quasars are _definitely _ the brightest objects in the universe._

_**Galaxies are built of many stars. How many stars are in a typical galaxy?**_

_Answer: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that the brightness of a star could potentially block out the light from a smaller star near it. Therefore, we have no way to being able to give a definite count to the number of stars in any galaxy._

_**What is the temperature of the universe today?**_

_Answer: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that we have no way of knowing how hot or cold it is in parts of the universe to which we have not yet been able to venture. Therefore, to say that the entire universe is at a regular temperature would also be speculation, and educated _guesses_ made through calculations, rather than through actual knowledge._

_**The expansion of the Universe was discovered by observing that all galaxies are moving away from us. Who made this discovery?**_

_Answer: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs._

_**Hubble's law states that v=H**__**0**__**r. What does the Hubble constant H**__**0**__** mean?**_

_Answer: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it, like question 7, conflicts with my religious beliefs._

_**About how long is our sun expected to live?**_

_Answer: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it is not specified whether it is asking how long the sun has _left_ to live, or what the estimated lifespan of the sun._

_**How long does it take our solar system to orbit around the center of our galaxy?**_

_Answer: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it is impossible for us to tell how long it takes us to orbit the sun, let alone for our solar system to orbit the center of the galaxy._

_**Bonus question: What are your personal thoughts on the Big Bang Theory?**_

_Answer: It conflicts with my religious beliefs._

Hatori almost found himself smirking as he reached the bottom of the page. This had to be the most devious thing he'd ever done (in school, anyways). Unfortunately Ayame and Shigure just _had _ to simultaneously glance in his direction just as the half-smile began to show. They both blinked in surprise, following the dragon with their eyes as the dragon stood, handing in his test. The bell rang at that moment, alerting everyone to the end of the test.

No sooner had Shigure started to ask what Hatori's mischievous look was for, the science teacher (who already grown used to Ayame and Shigure's antics after the incident with the tape recorder)_*****_ called Hatori back.

"What is this?" She asked hysterically. "Sohma-kun, this isn't like you!" Hatori put his hands in his pockets.

"What do you mean, Sensei? I thought my points were fairly good ones, and I did a fine job at answering the last question, in my opinion." His stoic expression had returned, and wasn't budging at all, despite the teacher's horrified expression. Eventually, her mouth snapped shut, and she wrote a thick red question mark at the top of the page.

"Please have a parent or guardian sign this," she said politely, handing the paper back. He took it wordlessly, walking away. Behind his back, his teacher reached into her desk for aspirin.

Surely enough, Ayame and Shigure were waiting to meet him at the door. "Tori-san?" Ayame questioned his eyes wide and curious. "What happened?" Hatori held up the paper. Shigure took it from him, his eyes scanning it. As he got to the bottom, he was grinning.

"Wow, Haa-san!" he laughed. "This is pretty out of character for you!" Hatori sighed.

"Yes, well I was going to fail anyways. Akito kept me up late last night." As soon as the words were out of his mouth, he knew he was going to regret them.

"Oh, Haa-san, you and Akito?" Shigure jibed. Ayame gasped.

"But she's so young!" he covered his mouth with his hand dramatically.

"Will the both of you shut up?" Hatori could practically feel his blood pressure rising. Unfortunately for him, the snake and dog had been baited, and there was no trying to reason with them when they got started . Hatori sighed.

…_I am never doing something like this again…_


End file.
